


Left Behind

by shiny_starlight



Series: First To Go [2]
Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: M/M, Sequel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-01-26
Updated: 2010-01-26
Packaged: 2017-10-06 17:31:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,314
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/56114
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shiny_starlight/pseuds/shiny_starlight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's been five months since Rodney's death, and John's friends are worried about how he's been coping.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Left Behind

**Author's Note:**

> Orginally posted on Wraithbait on 10/04/2005
> 
> Any and all mistakes are my own.
> 
> **Disclaimer:** I do not own these characters. No copyright infringement intended.
> 
> Written mid season one, so AU from there. No spoilers for Season Two onwards.
> 
> Warning: Tooth-decay inducingly sweet. I like to think I've grown as a writer since this.

"I'm worried about him," Elizabeth told the room at large as she watched the retreating figure of Major Sheppard. It had been five months since the accident that had killed Atlantis' premier scientist and John's lover, Rodney McKay. In those months, the major had withdrawn from everything and everybody. He had lost drastic amounts of weight and the bags under his eyes had bags.

Elizabeth was in the briefing room with the remainder of AG – 1, Radek Zelenka and Carson. They all wore expressions of concern as Elizabeth had just relieved John of duty until he was better, and the major hadn't put up even a token protest.

"We all are concerned," Teyla agreed. "He is making himself unwell. Rodney would not want this to happen."

"No," Elizabeth agreed. "He wouldn't want John to do this to himself. But, he's just not getting over it. And I doubt he ever will."

"He lost the most important person in his life. We can't expect him to just brush it off like it was nothing," Aiden told the group, a little anger in his voice.

"Relax son," Carson soothed. "No one expects him to. But I agree with Elizabeth. It is becoming unhealthy for the Major to continue this way."

"Well, we tried talking to him last week, didn't we Teyla?" Aiden said.

"Indeed. However, he was most... stubborn. He insisted that he was alright, and that we should not worry, despite the fact that we have eyes and we can see how Rodney's death has affected him."

// Flashback //

Aiden and Teyla finally located John in his room. He must have been hiding out or wandering through the city, because he had not answered the door when they had tried it an hour before. His voice was weary as he called out "Come in" and thought the door open with his mind.

Teyla and Aiden entered to find John reclining on the sofa. He had a small leather-bound book in his hands and was staring at one of the pages. Aiden immediately recognised it as the photo album he had given John and Rodney on their second anniversary. He had brought a digital camera with him from Earth, and often took it out and about on his days off. The album in particular held over thirty pictures of John and Rodney, and of the team with Elizabeth. They had loved it, as in all the pictures everyone was bright, and happy and smiling. It hurt that some of the people in the pictures were no longer alive today because of the Wraith, but the couple prized it.

John barely looked up when his team-mates entered the room. His gaze was fixated on one page, and Aiden craned his neck to see what picture he was looking at. It was one he had taken during their Thanksgiving celebration on the mainland. (Never mind the fact that it had been the height of summer on Atlantis instead of November. The celebrations went ahead.) It was a picture of John and Rodney. They were sitting on a bench; Rodney was sitting on the seat between John's legs and John was sitting on the back. He had an arm looped around Rodney's shoulder, and his head rested on the other one. Both men were smiling widely and one could almost feel the love that existed between the two of them.

"This picture was always Rodney's favourite," John told them quietly, his eyes never leaving Rodney's face.

"I can see why," Teyla answered quietly. "It captures the two of you at your best."

John smiled briefly, one that didn't reach his eyes and lapsed into silence again. The silence grew until Aiden thought he would scream.

"Major..." he began but John interrupted.

"Going to tag-team me, are you?"

"Tag-team?" Teyla was confused, but Aiden was on a roll now.

"Yes sir we are. We are worried about you. Everyone is."

"I'm fine Lieutenant, as you can see. Now run along to Weir and tell her that you carried out her orders like a good little soldier."

"With all due respect sir, you're not fine."

"Aiden is correct John. You are obviously not fine. You have lost weight, and when was the last time you slept more than five hours?"

"I don't need a mother Teyla," John told her through gritted teeth.

"Sir, Doctor Weir is thinking of taking you out of active duty for a while." This was a lie, but Aiden was getting desperate. He had to say something to try to get through to the major. He was shocked to the core when John simply replied

"Fine."

"The John Sheppard I know would not take such an action lying down. He would fight it to the end," Teyla told him.

"The John Sheppard you knew is dead Teyla," John told her sadly. "He died on that planet along with Rodney."

With that, he stood and walked into the bedroom. The door to the hall opened in a clear invitation for them to leave. Aiden and Teyla stood and left, both more concerned about their friend than they had been before talking to him.

// End Flashback //

As it turned out, Elizabeth did in fact relieve him of command of AG – 1 for the foreseeable future. She assigned Dr. Zelenka and Sergeant Bates to the team in John and Rodney's place. John hadn't put up even a token protest. He had simply stood, and left, ignoring Elizabeth's attempts to explain that it was for his own safety as well as for the safety of his team that she did it. He was a danger to himself and others out in the field, as he was unfocused and short-tempered.

The fact that John hadn't even put up a token protest scared her more than when Kolya had held a gun her. She had already lost one of her best friends. She didn't want to lose another.

"He looks terrible," she whispered as she took her usual seat at the head of the table.

"Aye. He's not sleeping, anyone can see that," Carson agreed, a thoughtful frown on his face. "He's also lost a dangerous amount of weight."

"And God knows he didn't have exactly much to spare before this," Zelenka added.

"Tell me," Carson began to speak but he stopped, unsure. He really should discuss this with John first, but needed to know if other people noticed this also. "Tell me, when was the last time anyone saw him eat anything?"

The room was silent as the occupants all thought over the last few weeks.

"I had breakfast in the mess with him a few days ago," Aiden offered.

"What did he eat?" Carson asked.

"Um... he just had coffee," Aiden admitted dejectedly. "He said he had already eaten before I got there."

"I have also seen him in the mess hall several times over the past few weeks, but I have never seen him eat anything," Teyla added.

"Damn," Carson swore under his breath. He was afraid of this happening. For the first few months after Rodney's death, they all had taken care of John, making sure he ate and got enough sleep. But, John was a grown man. They couldn't baby-sit him forever. Besides, John had threatened to strangle them all if they didn't give him some room. At the time, it had seemed like a good idea to let him grieve in peace. That was two months ago.

"What are you saying Carson? Are you saying that John his anorexic?" Elizabeth asked a frown of concern on her face.

"Not anorexic per-say," Carson told her. "Anorexia is characterized by a morbid fear of becoming fat. I don't believe the Major is concerned with that. I think that he is just giving up."

"He doesn't want to kill himself outright, so he's doing it gradually," Elizabeth realised. She sat back in her chair, and crossed her arms. No one commented on the silent tear that slipped down her cheek.

"I would have spoken before, but I wanted to see if he would come out of it himself. He's obviously not. I need John to come into the infirmary. I need to run tests, get some fluids in him, and get him to eat something. And I need to do it now!" Carson told the group.

"He is not going to go voluntarily," Zelenka surmised.

"We will get him to the infirmary," Teyla said as she and Aiden stood. From the determined look on her face, Elizabeth had no trouble believing that if she would get him there if she had to drag him by the hair.

* * *

John stood on the balcony in his quarters and stared across the silent sea. His right hand clutched the rail, and his left tenderly held the picture of him and Rodney that Ford had taken on Thanksgiving. Rodney had bitched and moaned about missing out on a day's work for some 'stupid American tradition' but once John had gotten him there, they'd had a blast. John smiled down at the picture. They looked so relaxed. John's eyes were hidden behind his dark sunglasses, but happiness just seemed to seep from every pore. One of Rodney's hands clasped John's joined ones, and his head rested back against John's knee. They looked so young, so in love, so full of life...

He reverently placed the picture in his back pocket, and continued to stare out across the sea. A blast of wind swept across the surface, chilling John, but he made no move to go into his room and get a jacket or warm sweater. Truth be told, John still could barely stomach the fact that it was his room now, and not their room. Staying there was a double edged sword.

On the one hand, John continued to live there because everything reminded him of Rodney. Rodney's den was untouched as was his side of the wardrobe. Little Rodney things were scattered about the rooms, from his notebooks to his hairbrush. While they were there, John felt close to Rodney.

But, on the other hand, everything reminded him of Rodney.

He wanted to be close to Rodney still, but staying close was so painful. It just reminded him what he'd had... and lost. He had nearly chocked the first time had had said 'my room', and he still wasn't used to it.

His stomach rumbled in hunger, but he pushed the thought of food away. He couldn't remember the last time he had eaten more than a few mouthfuls, but he didn't care. Nothing really mattered any more. Rodney was gone.

Tears blurred his vision, and John let them fall. He had cried so much already that a few more wouldn't hurt.

He wondered what was going to happen to him now. He knew if she could, Elizabeth would send him back to Earth for a while, to get over it a little. What would he do if he were on Earth? His parents were dead, and he hadn't seen his big brother in years. Chris had taken exception to John's sexuality, and the pair hadn't spoken since 1994. He could hardly show up on his doorstep, crying over his dead lover. It didn't matter anyhow. He was on Atlantis, and on Atlantis he was staying... at least for the time being. John had to admit, he felt a little lost. Elizabeth had taken away his team so he could get some 'rest and recuperation.' Jesus, she made it sound like some illness he was trying to shake off. Didn't she care at all that Rodney was gone?

No, that wasn't fair. John knew Elizabeth loved Rodney as a friend, and that she missed him too. They all did; Ford and Teyla, Carson and Zelenka. Hell, even Kavanaugh looked a little lost without someone to have a proper fight with.

No one fought like Rodney that was for sure. John smiled briefly at the though. He was convinced that Rodney had taken lessons in being a pain in the ass. He loved their fights. Rodney was always so full of passion when he was angry! He would shout and rant and look as sexy as hell as he did so. He was always so energetic, so... full of life.

Well, that wasn't the case now.

John choked back another wave of tears and tightened his grip on the railings. He felt a little bit dizzy. His stomach rumbled again, louder this time, and his head swam. His breath came in short gasps and his legs felt weak. They gradually gave way as he hung on to the railings. He slid to the floor, trying to catch breath. He had never felt so weak in hid life. His chest ached and his vision clouded over. He felt himself go limp as consciousness faded.

* * *

"John!" Teyla called for the third time. She and Aiden were standing outside John's quarters, but he wasn't opening up.

"Maybe he isn't there," Aiden offered.

"No, he is there," Teyla told him. "I checked with Williams in the control room. There is someone in there. And it could only be John."

She knocked again, louder this time.

"I am concerned," she told Aiden.

"Maybe he's just pissed about being put on leave. He probably won't want to talk to us," Aiden guessed.

"Well, I am sorry, but he will have to talk to us. It is for his own good."

She tried the door again. It was still locked.

"Can you open this?" she asked the young Lieutenant.

He thought for a moment.

"Maybe," He told her. "Rodney taught me how to break in and out of rooms on Atlantis in case Atlantis was invaded again and we were locked up. It was a while ago though. I'm not sure I remember exactly how to do it."

"Just try, please," Teyla urged. "And make haste. I feel that something is very wrong in there."

It took Aiden about ten minutes but finally he remembered the configuration that Rodney had taught him over a year ago. The doors slid open silently to an empty room. There was no sign of John. Teyla checked the bedroom and Ford was walking towards the bathroom when a flash of green on the balcony caught his eye.

"TEYLA!" he shouted as he sprinted to the prone figure. John's face was white as a sheet, and he was covered in sweat. His pulse was faint and sporadic. Aiden felt Teyla come up behind him and heard her gasp of shock. She ran to the comm. unit on the wall and slapped it on.

"Teyla to Doctor Beckett. Please come quickly. There is an emergency."

"Where are you?" his voice floated over the comm.

"I am in John's room. He is unconscious."

"I'm on my way," Carson told her and she could hear the grimness in his voice.

"John! John! Come on, wake up, Sir!"

Aiden was trying to wake his CO up, but to no avail. It seemed to them both that an eternity passed before Carson arrived with several nurses and a stretcher. They stood back as Carson began checking John over for obvious signs of injury. He checked John's pupils and pulse, muttering to himself all the time. They loaded the unconscious major onto the stretcher, and made for the infirmary; Aiden and Teyla at their heels.

When they arrived, Carson banished them to a waiting room where they were joined by Elizabeth and Radek a few minutes later. Carson had called them on the way to John's room, and they joined his team mates in their vigil.

* * *

Carson emerged from the infirmary several hours later. He was grey with fatigue and gratefully accepted the cup of coffee that Elizabeth gave him.

"How is he?" she asked gently.

"We stabilized him," Carson told her. "He woke up about an hour after we brought him in. He was aware of what was going on around him. He's sleeping now. God knows he needs to catch up."

"What's wrong with him Doc?" Aiden asked.

Carson sighed. "It is his heart. To use your earlier observation Elizabeth, as with an anorexic, he hasn't eaten more than a few mouthfuls in a long time. He's basically been starving himself, though it has more to do with lack of hope than anything else. Few anorexics actually die, but those that do die usually die from heart failure rather than starvation. His heart is under severe strain. I've put an IV in and if he won't eat, I can always put a tube in. I won't lose another friend. I won't!" he added almost to himself.

Elizabeth put an arm around his shoulder in comfort.

"We won't lose him Carson. I won't let him go," she promised him. "We've got to help him get over this."

* * *

They took turns in watching the sleeping Major.

Aiden and Teyla sat with him for three hours in case he awoke, but he didn't. They were worried until Carson assured them that John was simply asleep, not unconsciousness. His body was catching up, he told them, and ordered them to let him rest.

Still, when Elizabeth and Radek came and relieved Aiden and Teyla, all could see the defeated-looking slump of Teyla's shoulders. Aiden put a comforting arm around her as the pair walked off to get some food. They promised to be back in a few hours.

Radek was working on his laptop as he sat by the bed, but Elizabeth was watching John. He seemed to be dreaming. He was moving slightly, and smiling. And she was positive she heard him mumble the word 'Rodney' more than once.

* * *

John was deep in a dreamless sleep. There was nothing around him but a light blue mist, for which John was grateful. Ever since Rodney's death, whenever he had closed his eyes, he had seen his lover's battered and bloody body in front of him. He had almost been afraid to sleep more than a few hours each night, so blue mist was good.

"Oh come on John! Blue mist? How cliché can you get?"

John eyes snapped open as a figure appeared through the fog. He'd recongise that figure and that snark anywhere.

"Rodney?" he gasped as his lover materialized in front of him.

He was just how John remembered him. He was dressed in his uniform with the Canadian flag on the left sleeve. His hair was a little longer than usual because he hadn't had a chance to get it cut and John could see a power bar peeking out from his breast pocket.

It was just him and Rodney in the mist, nobody but them, but John felt like he had everything he needed. He reached out and pulled Rodney into a fierce embrace, holding him close and breathing his scent. "Is it really you?" he whispered.

"Oh come on. Give me some credit!" Rodney told him, pulling away slightly. "Appearing to you in a dream? Now that is really cliché."

John's heart sank and he turned away, his eyes haunted.

"So, you're not really here?" he whispered as he wrapped his arms around himself in attempt to stop the pain.

"No," Rodney told him kindly. "I'm not a ghost. Do you honestly think if I was that I would chose to appear to you wearing this?" he asked, indicating to his uniform. "No. I am a dream John, a memory. A figment of your imagination. A projection of the man you loved."

"Love," John corrected fiercely. "Not loved. The man I love."

"Alright, a projection of the man you love," Rodney conceded. He was silent for a moment, and looked at John.

"Why are you doing this to yourself?" he asked quietly.

"Doing what?" John asked, feigning ignorance.

"Oh, I don't know. Maybe starving yourself, shutting off and shutting out all the friends that you need and than need you. Any of this ringing any bells?" he asked.

God John missed Rodney's sarcasm. The figure in front of him seemed to read his mind, and approached John and pulled him into a loose hug. John clung on the apparition, tears blinding him.

"It's so hard," he whispered. "I miss him so much. I miss arguing with him. I miss making love to him. I miss being with him. Oh God, I miss him!"

John broke down completely, weeping a river of tears for Rodney. The figure held him as he sobbed, but there was no real feeling in it. Dream-Rodney, or whoever he was, didn't hold him close, like his Rodney had so often done. They had lost people over the years in Atlantis, many of them friends and whenever John finally let himself grieve, Rodney was always there, holding him tightly and soothing him.

He pulled back slowly. "You're not real, are you?"

"No," Rodney told him softly, placing a hand on John's tense arm. "I am but a memory. Rodney's personality, his sarcasm, his fears and strengths... all the things that make him the man you love, I have none of those. I am just a dream. Besides, if I was real, do you think I'd be this nice to you? I'd scream at you for doing this to yourself."

"It's just too hard!" John told him, wiping away the tears. "I can't do this without you! Him... whichever. I need Rodney!"

"John, what did Rodney do?" Dream-Rodney asked him calmly.

"What?"

"What did he do? How did he die?"

"What do you mean how did you die? You pushed me out of the way of falling rocks and got killed yourself, that's what!"

"And why did he do that?" Dream-Rodney asked, his gaze never leaving John's face.

"What? Die?" John growled.

"No, smart ass. Stop being deliberately obtuse," Dream-Rodney scolded. "Why did Rodney push you out of the way?"

"To save my life," John answered grudgingly. He had an inkling of where Dream-Rodney was going with this, and he didn't like it.

"Exactly. He saved your life. Do you really think he would have wanted you to do this? That would mean his sacrifice was in vain. He died for nothing. Does what he did mean so little to you?"

"Hey!" John shouted. "Don't ever say that! Everything Rodney did meant everything to me! He was my everything!"

"Still, I've got a point," Dream-Rodney continued, unfazed by John's outburst. "Rodney died to save you, and now you're giving up. I think he would be disappointed in you for giving up so easily."

John's retort died on his lips.

Would Rodney be disappointed in him for giving up so easily? John didn't want to die. But he also didn't want to live the rest of his life without Rodney either. It was just so hard.

All he wanted was to talk, to laugh with Rodney again.

"I know you do," Dream-Rodney told him, thus confirming Johns suspicion that the figure in front of him could read his mind. The figure rolled his eyes in a uniquely-Rodney-like way.

"John, I am your mind! I don't need to read it. I'm a dream, remember?"

"Oh yeah."

John sighed deeply and sat on the floor. He hugged his knees to his chest and rested his forehead on his knees.

"I just miss him," he said.

"I know you do," Dream-Rodney replied as he sat down next to him, but facing him. "And you always will. You know that. But, you have to move on. I'm not saying forget him. Just accept that he is gone, and work past it. My Dear John, you cannot always be torn in two."

"Are you quoting Lord of the Rings at me?" John asked, smiling slightly.

"Hey, all the best stellar last words have already been used."

"Yeah, like Rosebud," John snickered.

"Well, there is nothing wrong with a little Return of the King, thank you very much." Dream-Rodney huffed, sulking slightly.

"There was nothing wrong with your last words," John told him in an attempt to appease him.

"Really? What were they?"

"I love you."

"Oh," Dream-Rodney said as he stood and pulled John into a standing position. "Well then, Major John Mathew Sheppard, I love you," he said as he looked into John eyes. "I always have and I always will. You can do this John. Now, say goodbye, give me a kiss and wake up. And I don't want to see you back here for another fifty or so years, ok?"

John hugged the figure in front of him tightly. He didn't care if he wasn't Rodney, he could pretend for just a moment.

"I'll never forget you," he whispered.

"You'd better not!" Rodney replied. "Just live. Be happy. Don't be alone."

"I love you," John told the figure as a soft beeping interrupted his consciousness and he woke up.

* * *

John opened his eyes slowly so they could adjust to the bright lights. It was mid-day and the infirmary was brightly lit. He could see Teyla and Ford sitting by the window. Ford had his arm around the Athosian woman's shoulders and she was leaning against him, her eyes closed in tiredness. The feeling of guilt that he experienced for putting the worry on their faces was interrupted when he noticed how tightly Teyla clasped Ford's free hand in both her own. Hello! What was going on here? Teyla and his Lieutenant? How had he not noticed it?

But then again, he had been preoccupied recently.

His gaze shifted to where Radek was working away on the computer. John felt guilt again when he saw the tiredness on the Czech's face. Rodney had been Radek's best friend, and John had barely thought of the man since Rodney's death.

Elizabeth stood staring out of the window, but turned when she sensed his eyes on her.

"You're awake," she stated. The rest of the rooms' occupants sprang up and walked towards the bed. None spoke; they seemed unsure of what to say.

"Uh oh, I recongise that look," John told Elizabeth in a semi-joking voice as she approached the bed. Everyone paused, nonplussed. Whatever they had been expecting, it had not been John in a joking mood.

"And what look would that be John?" she asked him.

"It's the one that Rodney dubbed your 'If I had my choice you'd be suspended over a vat of boiling lava' look," he informed her.

Everyone was really concerned now. John hadn't made a joke in months, and none of them had heard him say his lovers name without choking up since the accident.

Carson bustled in.

"Ah, you're awake," he said. He walked over to the bed, and began checking John's vitals.

"I know what you are thinking," John told the assembled group. "And you're wrong. I haven't finally lost it completely and gone off the deep end. I had this dream, about Rodney," he told them.

"Rodney showed up in a dream?" Elizabeth asked, smiling slightly.

"Well, I'm pretty sure it was just a dream. He even commented on the cliché of him doing so, so I'm almost positive it was just a dream. But, dream or real, he spoke sense. Rodney would be disappointed if I gave up so easily. It would belittle what he had done for me."

"I'm going to have to ask you all to leave now," Carson told them. "I want to run some more tests and afterward John, you are going to eat something," he stated in a firm voice.

"Alright Doc," John conceded, to everyone's surprise (including Carson. He had no idea his voice was so authoritative.)

Something on the locker beside his bed caught John's attention, and he turned to find the picture of the two of them placed there where he could see it. With a trembling hand, he picked it up.

"Nurse Bradbury found it in your back pocket. I thought you'd like to have it close," Carson told him. John traced Rodney's smiling face in the picture and smiled.

"You thought right," John told him as he placed he picture back and settled down to look at it. Carson ran his tests and checked the machinery.

"Hey Carson," John asked suddenly. "What's for dinner? I'm starving."

* * *

The blue mist surrounded Rodney for a moment before it began to dissipate.

"That was very well done," a voice said from behind him.

Rodney turned to see Taylor Sheppard, John's father, approaching him.

"It was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do," Rodney confessed. "It took all my willpower not to grab him and never let him go. Ever. I know I needed to pretend I wasn't real and convince him to let me go, but all I really want is for him to be here with me."

"I know it's hard, son" Taylor said, placing a comforting hand on Rodney's shoulder. "I had to do the same myself. When I passed on, John's mama near died of grief herself. I had to convince her to stay for a while at least, for the boy's sake. They were just teenagers at the time and they needed her. But all I wanted to do was urge her to come to me. I missed her a lot. We Sheppard men, you see... we love very strongly," he told the younger man. "But, she's here now, and we have forever. The time will pass quickly," he assured him. "Before long, Jon will be here with you. But, he'll have lived a long, full life thanks to what you did here today. Take comfort in that."

Rodney smiled gratefully. He really did wish John all the happiness in the universe, and began looking forward to the day when they would meet again.

"Come on," Taylor urged. "My wife wants to become better acquainted with the man who has stolen our son's heart so completely."

Rodney grinned up at the taller man. He could see so much of his son in him, and took comfort in that. Rodney's own parents were here also, but their relationship was as strained as it had always been when they were alive, and Rodney felt, as ever, out of place. Surprisingly, (or perhaps not so surprisingly) Rodney had found himself welcomed into the Sheppard family with open arms. Everyone from John's parents to his great-aunt Betty made him feel loved and happy. He spent hours listening to stories of John as a boy, and if possible, he loved the man more than ever.

"I'm coming," he told Taylor, a happy smile on his face.

* * *

56 Years later

The lights were dim when Alener entered her father's room. Tears pricked her eyes when she saw his quiet form on the bed. His breathing was shallow and he was dozing peacefully. His once brilliantly dark hair was now completely white, though it had lost none of its vibrancy and thickness. His face was lined with age, but a soft smile curved his lips. Alener's twin brother Peshan sat next his wife Amelia, and her uncle Aiden and aunt Teyla sat by the bed. They were all waiting for the inevitable. Amelia clutched Peshan's hand in one of her own, and her mother, Teyla's, in the other. Alener's husband, Michael Beckett was checking John over with a scanner, and the sadness in his voice brought tears to her eyes.

"It will be soon," he told them. Alener let out a chocked sob, and Michael wrapped his arms around her. "I'm so sorry," he whispered as he held her.

Teyla observed the couple as they embraced. John had been so happy when his daughter and Carson's son had married. They had been married for three months and Teyla was certain that John had held onto life long enough just to see his baby girl married.

It hadn't been easy for John, living all those years without Rodney. He had missed the other man terribly, and often spoke of him. Alener and Peshan had grown up hearing stories of Rodney and they all knew that he was just waiting for the day when he was going to be reunited. Over years, Atlantis had suffered losses and claimed victories. They had re-established contact with Earth some thirty six years ago, but most of the original team had elected to stay.

The tide of the war with the Wraith was changing and now Wraith were the ones on the run. Throughout all this, John had tried to find someone new to love, but no one had ever measured up to his Rodney. He had adopted the twins thirty years ago when the then-two year olds' parents had died in an attack by the Wraith on the mainland of Atlantis, and they became his life. He had raised them, and cherished them and now they were happy and relatively safe, his time was over.

He was ready to go to Rodney.

John's breathing hitched and evened out again. The time was close, Teyla knew that. She turned to her husband, and saw her own grief mirrored in Aiden's eyes. John had been a constant in their lives for over fifty years. What were they going to do without him? But he just didn't have the energy any more, and so they knew they had to let him go.

"Rodney," John murmured quietly and he smiled.

His breathing stopped.

* * *

Blue mist. He was surrounded by blue mist. What the hell was going on?

"Blue mist again John?" a voice said from behind him. "Really, you Americans have no imagination."

John spun around (wow, he could do that again. No more arthritis!) John's marveling at his youthful body was interrupted when he saw Rodney walking towards him. He leapt forward and pulled the other man into a fierce hug. Neither spoke for a long moment as they soaked up each other's presence.

"I missed you so much," John told him before kissing him passionately. Rodney returned the kiss with equal fervor; clinging to the man he had waited for for so long.

"Same here," Rodney told him. "I love you."

"I love you too," John told him, kissing him again. "I have so much to tell you," he said when they broke apart.

"I know. You've led quite a good life."

"I didn't have you though."

"John, you always had me. I was always with you, looking over your shoulder, keeping you safe."

"So you were that creepy feeling I got whenever someone snuck up behind me with a gun!" John exclaimed.

"Creepy feeling? Thanks very much!" Rodney huffed, but John merely smiled and pulled him into another hug.

"Good creepy though," John assured him. "You kept me safe."

John sank into Rodney's embrace, until Rodney's prior words registered.

"Blue mist again? What do you mean again?"

Rodney averted his gaze and realization dawned in John's eyes.

"It was you!" he exclaimed. "It wasn't a dream all those years ago! It was you!"

Before a full-blown argument could erupt, a voice interrupted them

"Really, you have all eternity to argue! You think you'd say hello to us first!"

John turned towards the voice.

"Elizabeth!" he exclaimed, rushing forward and grabbing her into a hug. Behind her stood Carson, Peter Grodin, Markham, Radek; everyone from the Atlantis mission that they had lost and everyone who had gone on before John, alien and human alike. They all looked so young! He was smiling and hugging and kissing people when the crowd parted to admit another group of people.

"Mom! Dad!" he shouted, running towards them. They held onto him tightly, crying tears of joy and John saw the rest of his family over their shoulders. His grandmothers were openly crying while his cousins and friends grinned on. Even his brother Chris was there, smiling reassuringly at him. They had patched things up in later life, and Chris had gotten the chance to know his niece and nephew.

Rodney came up behind him, putting an arm around his shoulders.

"Come on, we've planned a little celebration in your honour."

"Will there be cake?" John asked.

Rodney rolled his eyes. "John, this is heaven," he said. "Of course there's cake! It doesn't make you fat either!" he told him gleefully.

John let the voices of his family and friends wash over him as he savored the touch and presence of the one person in the universe he had missed the most.

"I had to do it John," Rodney told him quietly as they walked slowly behind the departing crowd. "I had to find some way to get you to go on. It wasn't your time."

"I suppose I'd have done the same," John admitted. "Still, it was hard."

"I know it was."

"I did it for you though. Everything I did was always for you," John told him, kissing Rodney sweetly on the lips. "So you'd be proud of me."

"I am John," Rodney assured him. "I always was. I was especially proud though when you adopted Alener and Peshan. I watched you with them," Rodney told him. "You were a wonderful father."

"Thanks, "John smiled at the thought of his children. "They made it easy for me. They're something really special. I'm gonna miss them," he said, sighing softly.

"I know you will," Rodney told him comfortingly. "But you'll see them again. I promise you that. And until then, you have me, all to yourself."

John eyes lit up, and he kissed Rodney again. That was one of the things he had missed the most... kissing Rodney. His lips were addictive.

"I love you, Dr. McKay," he told him.

"I love you too, General Sheppard. Come on, let's get some cake."

"What's the rush?" John asked, looping his arms around Rodney's waist and resting his forehead on the younger man's. "We have eternity together after all, don't we?"

"That we do John," Rodney promised. "That we do."

* * *


End file.
